It’s been a little while since I’ve blogged. The reasons are varied, but bottomline is that I’ve been going through a lot of changes in my life of late and for the most part, I’ve been trying to deal with it all in compartments – each area by itself, without affecting the other parts. Needless to say, it has not been easy.
In my personal life, I got dumped by a guy I had been seeing for a few months. The fact of our break up wasn’t shocking – truth be told, I think we both knew this was not going to last long. The manner of break up though was very shocking to me and I have had to fight to reinforce and rebuild my self confidence. It is inevitable that people in relationships may not make it to the finish line….whatever that may be for each couple. What always gets me is how relationships do end. Some where in my fantasy world, I have always thought that I would have a conversation with the person with whom the relationship was no longer working and rationally discuss why we needed to stop. But it never happens that way. It seems one person is almost always callous with the other’s heart/emotions. Why is that? In any case, Mr. No-Ex and I are over and I have made peace with that fact. He was wrong for me on all levels, but I let myself be “romanced” into the relationship because I had been starved of attention and I certainly got what I deserved. Lesson learned.
The second other thing in my universe of course is my baldie. I am transitioning into a full head of African curls and the slowness of the process is only now getting to me. At the rate my hair is growing, I won’t even be able to put in braids until after six months at least! I am getting bored with the look, although I must say that I am enjoying the freedom that comes with bucking societal trends as it relates to women’s hair in Lagos. I have bought some hair products to try out but will wait a few weeks to see their effect on my hair before I recommend!
Third thing is the rain! It has affected me so much. My neighborhood is flooded and driving to and from home has been with a prayer. No light and floods, and yet I ought to be greatful because I have it much better than most of my fellow Nigerians. Yet gratitude is a struggle for me.
Last but not least, a close member of my family is dying of cancer and I find myself too paralyzed to help. I want to, but I keep avoiding her (and the whole cancer bit). My dad died of cancer and it was without exaggeration, the worst, most horrible time of my life and I just can’t bring myself to deal with cancer again. Which makes me a bad person since I know this really is NOT about me, but my aunt and somehow I cannot get over my self long enough to truly be of help to her.